Cancer - Part 10 (strength)

As you can imagine, the chemo weeks were very difficult for me and our daughters. Alicia was 4 and Jayna was not quite 2 at the time that cancer entered our lives. The girls had to learn to be very quiet during the day, knowing that daddy was sleeping. Jayna would often ask, “Where’s daddy?” Then she would remember, “Oh, Daddy’s sleeping. Shhhhhh...” And Alicia would suddenly begin sobbing, saying, “I don’t want Daddy to be sick.” Noticing how they were being affected was probably the most difficult of all.

It took a great toll on me, too. It was so hard not to take things personally and nurse feelings of rejection. In my album there is a picture of Mike wearing his red hoodie, plugging his nose and glaring at the camera under his hood. That is how I saw him every other week for 7 months. It is very tough when your husband glares at you like that, with no smile, even though you know that it is out of his own misery. It’s hard not to take that personally. I cried many lonely tears these weeks. It was at those lowest moments that I needed to rely on God and my family and my friends. My husband was unable to be there for me. God’s word became a lifeline to me more than it ever had before. I began wall-papering my home with Scripture verses. And many people sent me e-mails of encouragement filled with God’s promises. I clung to those verses.

Some of these pivotal verses were:

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

II Corinthians 12:9 Jesus says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous fall.

Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

II Samuel 22:2-4 The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my Saviour... I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise and I am saved...

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”