We referred to every week as either a ‘bad’ week or a ‘better’ week. The chemo weeks were the bad weeks. Mike spent the better weeks recuperating from being knocked down. He tried to exercise a little each day to build up his strength. His appetite increased slightly. During the bad weeks he lost an average of 10 pounds, and during the better weeks he would gain a few back. These fluctuations of weight, as well as the contrasts between starving/binging, sick/not sick are very difficult on a body. Basically the chemo meds kill everything inside you and then you have 6 days to try to rebuild what was lost. There is nothing good or healthy about chemo. Mike often said that the worst part about chemo days was purposefully putting yourself in a position where you will feel half-dead, beaten and totally useless to your family and to society. It was a battle of wills every week to enter that hospital, allow yourself to be put through agony, knowing that it was saving your life.
We tried to make the best of our better weeks. We were able to take many day trips with friends. These enjoyable moments allowed us to forget the day to day misery. We enjoyed the zoo, treated our girls to the children’s museum and joined my family at Tinkertown. The Mondays of these good weeks Mike still had to go to the hospital for PICC care. They flushed his line to prevent clots and changed his dressing.
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